I'm in the waiting room while they are giving my truck an oil change. It's over 90 degrees outside and it's either sit in the waiting room and face the TV or go out and sit on the curb......or maybe just walk home and tell them to keep the car. I'm thinking about it. It gets worse. I'm actually watching the game show......a six foot tall pink bunny rabbit just hopped around in glee as he or she won a motorcycle. Now a lady in pink punk hair is yelling and screaming for some reason. The following are two past posts on this peculiarly American form of torture:
Death By Waiting Room
Wow...torture...I'm sitting in the waiting room of a car dealer while my vehicle is being repaired and the television is 24 inches from my ear (the only seat available.) Governor Pence is being interviewed....no, interviewed isn't the word......interrogated is the word. The encouraging news in this is that I glanced up at the man opposite me and he in turn glanced over to me and just shook his head. One young man has ear buds in....smart man. Another is giving a death stare at the television. He looks an awful lot like Jerry Stiller from the King Of Queens. Hmm...I better not say anything.
Generally, waiting rooms are nothing more than torture chambers with a Bunn coffee machine. I have never in 67 years been in a waiting room where I didn't leave thankful that the cell door was opened and someone said "get out before I change my mind!" It doesn't matter what kind of waiting room. Hospitals are the worst....a doctor comes out and says...."It could go either way." Automobile garages are second worst....."yep, the transmission is bad alright." Employment offices come after that..."sixty-seven years old...is this correct sir?" They're all bad....well there's probably one out there where a man would come out and say..."you are correct sir, this is a winning lotto ticket, your million dollars will be in the mail" but all the others came from the original blueprint of the Marquis de Sade.
So today I'm in yet another waiting room. I'm not going to mention what I was there for so as to protect the innocent, and I'll also change a name and a few other minor details. I'm going to be here for about an hour so I walk outside the office to say hello to a man, I'll call him Joe, that I had previous dealings with. He's a great guy and I just wanted to take the opportunity to say hi. I do so and return to the naked chair in my cell that is next to the Bunn coffee machine.
The television is on....as it always is....is there some kind of law that waiting rooms have to have televisions? My Apple watch begins sounding an alarm....beep beep beep "attention! your blood pressure is high...attention....your blood pressure it high!" I take it off and put it my pocket. What's playing?....a classic movie....nooo....Leave It To Beaver....nooo....A Gaither Family Reunion....yeah that'll never happen. The Price Is Right is on......The Price Is Right is always on in these waiting rooms!
That voice that gives me nightmares shouts...."Suzie somebody or other...come on down!" The camera scans the crowd of hundreds of Americans that reminds me of a Barnum & Bailey poster. Where's Suzie? Here she comes dressed as....I don't know what it is....it looks like that fluffy thing that my wife keeps on the kitchen sink to wash the plates off with. It's bright blue and her face scares me. Did they let her drive here....are her friends watching over her from the back so that she doesn't pass out or hit her head on a lighting boom while jumping up and down?
How do I get serious in this post? Actually it's not hard. I have tried in the past to make humor out of these waiting room incarcerations but there is real sadness in my heart. How did we come to this point where our citizens watch this nonsense....many watch every day.... and some get depressed if they miss it. What makes someone actually subject themselves to this absurd juvenile grand waste of precious time? Our nation crumbles before our eyes and this is how we entertain ourselves during the collapse!
I try my best to block out the banter from the host and the contestant, and Joe comes into the room to get a cup of coffee from the Bunn coffee maker. "Hello again Special Dog" he says, and then glances over to the television. Is he going to feel my pain and empathize? Or is he just going to shake his head, pour his coffee...say good-bye and leave? No, He looks at me and tells me that he went to that show last fall. My lungs barely operate. What did he mean, is there a one-way mirrored room on the set for doctors to observe the contestants? "I was a contestant...I was up on the stage." I'm sure that my eyes glazed over as he continued. "I won a car!"
Why do these things happen to me? What do I do? There are other people in my cell. Do I stand up for truth, life and the American Way and say..."batten down the hatches man...this ship is going down!"? I thought briefly of saying...."No comprendo...sprechen sie something else?" I like this gentleman. I summoned up all the courage that I have....which apparently isn't much...thought again about our once God-fearing nation that is sinking beneath the billowing waves in this tempest...sent directions first to the right side of my mouth and then to the left to form a smile and said..."Hey that's great! I'm glad that you won such a big prize!" And I was glad for him...for he's a nice man.... and he may need an extra tank of gas in the days ahead.
Death By Waiting Room
Wow...torture...I'm sitting in the waiting room of a car dealer while my vehicle is being repaired and the television is 24 inches from my ear (the only seat available.) Governor Pence is being interviewed....no, interviewed isn't the word......interrogated is the word. The encouraging news in this is that I glanced up at the man opposite me and he in turn glanced over to me and just shook his head. One young man has ear buds in....smart man. Another is giving a death stare at the television. He looks an awful lot like Jerry Stiller from the King Of Queens. Hmm...I better not say anything.
It's getting worse....the announcer just said that Senator Lindsey Graham is coming on to give insight on something or other. I guess I'll have to listen to that. I hope there's nothing to that Stockhom Syndrome thing.
Oh no!......"Hello....I'm Hillary Clinton...and I approve this message." Is this worth it? I mean what's a little 'check engine' light? OK, the political ad is over. I don't care what these folks think of me with my fingers in my ears. Now there's a segment on childbirth. Please...I mean do we throw 'kidney stones' at you all the time. Have you ever seen a television show when the man is behind a door screaming?
Lindsey is on now.....(who names their son Lindsey.....It can't even be shortened.....Lind.....Linds) ...."Ah thank that Hillary is right awn theece." They're treating Graham very nicely. That's because he's a senior member of the junior members of the UniParty. The term UniParty comes from Professor Angelo Codevilla. We essentially have one major political party in the United States...the UniParty...consisting of the senior partner Democrats and the junior partner Republicans.
I look up at the giant TV over my right shoulder.....I can see the facial pores on the interviewers face. Whatever happened to 'Honey, adjust the rabbit ears while you're up. I can't tell if it's the television or if it's snowing on Bonanza." I don't want to see Joe Biden's hair plugs.
I look at my watch......it should be another 30 minutes! I'd rather wait for Godot! I don't know if I can handle it. It's cold outside so I can't take a walk. I'd settle for a rerun of That 70s Show or even Jerry Springer! I could go out to the showroom and buy a new car. Let's see.....30 minutes in a waiting room....or $30,000...30 minutes...or $30,000....tough decision...
The door opens...
"Special Dog? Special Dog?"
I jump out of my seat "Here....here!"
"Your car is done....everything's O..."
"That's great....give me the keys....thanks.....bye."
Cell Block C
Oh no!......"Hello....I'm Hillary Clinton...and I approve this message." Is this worth it? I mean what's a little 'check engine' light? OK, the political ad is over. I don't care what these folks think of me with my fingers in my ears. Now there's a segment on childbirth. Please...I mean do we throw 'kidney stones' at you all the time. Have you ever seen a television show when the man is behind a door screaming?
Lindsey is on now.....(who names their son Lindsey.....It can't even be shortened.....Lind.....Linds) ...."Ah thank that Hillary is right awn theece." They're treating Graham very nicely. That's because he's a senior member of the junior members of the UniParty. The term UniParty comes from Professor Angelo Codevilla. We essentially have one major political party in the United States...the UniParty...consisting of the senior partner Democrats and the junior partner Republicans.
I look up at the giant TV over my right shoulder.....I can see the facial pores on the interviewers face. Whatever happened to 'Honey, adjust the rabbit ears while you're up. I can't tell if it's the television or if it's snowing on Bonanza." I don't want to see Joe Biden's hair plugs.
I look at my watch......it should be another 30 minutes! I'd rather wait for Godot! I don't know if I can handle it. It's cold outside so I can't take a walk. I'd settle for a rerun of That 70s Show or even Jerry Springer! I could go out to the showroom and buy a new car. Let's see.....30 minutes in a waiting room....or $30,000...30 minutes...or $30,000....tough decision...
The door opens...
"Special Dog? Special Dog?"
I jump out of my seat "Here....here!"
"Your car is done....everything's O..."
"That's great....give me the keys....thanks.....bye."
Cell Block C
So today I'm in yet another waiting room. I'm not going to mention what I was there for so as to protect the innocent, and I'll also change a name and a few other minor details. I'm going to be here for about an hour so I walk outside the office to say hello to a man, I'll call him Joe, that I had previous dealings with. He's a great guy and I just wanted to take the opportunity to say hi. I do so and return to the naked chair in my cell that is next to the Bunn coffee machine.
The television is on....as it always is....is there some kind of law that waiting rooms have to have televisions? My Apple watch begins sounding an alarm....beep beep beep "attention! your blood pressure is high...attention....your blood pressure it high!" I take it off and put it my pocket. What's playing?....a classic movie....nooo....Leave It To Beaver....nooo....A Gaither Family Reunion....yeah that'll never happen. The Price Is Right is on......The Price Is Right is always on in these waiting rooms!
That voice that gives me nightmares shouts...."Suzie somebody or other...come on down!" The camera scans the crowd of hundreds of Americans that reminds me of a Barnum & Bailey poster. Where's Suzie? Here she comes dressed as....I don't know what it is....it looks like that fluffy thing that my wife keeps on the kitchen sink to wash the plates off with. It's bright blue and her face scares me. Did they let her drive here....are her friends watching over her from the back so that she doesn't pass out or hit her head on a lighting boom while jumping up and down?
How do I get serious in this post? Actually it's not hard. I have tried in the past to make humor out of these waiting room incarcerations but there is real sadness in my heart. How did we come to this point where our citizens watch this nonsense....many watch every day.... and some get depressed if they miss it. What makes someone actually subject themselves to this absurd juvenile grand waste of precious time? Our nation crumbles before our eyes and this is how we entertain ourselves during the collapse!
I try my best to block out the banter from the host and the contestant, and Joe comes into the room to get a cup of coffee from the Bunn coffee maker. "Hello again Special Dog" he says, and then glances over to the television. Is he going to feel my pain and empathize? Or is he just going to shake his head, pour his coffee...say good-bye and leave? No, He looks at me and tells me that he went to that show last fall. My lungs barely operate. What did he mean, is there a one-way mirrored room on the set for doctors to observe the contestants? "I was a contestant...I was up on the stage." I'm sure that my eyes glazed over as he continued. "I won a car!"
Why do these things happen to me? What do I do? There are other people in my cell. Do I stand up for truth, life and the American Way and say..."batten down the hatches man...this ship is going down!"? I thought briefly of saying...."No comprendo...sprechen sie something else?" I like this gentleman. I summoned up all the courage that I have....which apparently isn't much...thought again about our once God-fearing nation that is sinking beneath the billowing waves in this tempest...sent directions first to the right side of my mouth and then to the left to form a smile and said..."Hey that's great! I'm glad that you won such a big prize!" And I was glad for him...for he's a nice man.... and he may need an extra tank of gas in the days ahead.
