When Call Screening Breaks Down

Rush:       OK....let's go to Morris from Sacramento.....my adopted home town....good-morning sir....how are you?

Morris:    Mega-dittos El Rushbo. I've been listening to you since that day when I was fourteen when my dad locked my in the closet with a radio with the dial taped to your show.

Rush:      Well.....heh heh heh....what ever it takes. How can I help you today?

Morris:    Rush...you changed my life.....before you I was a brain-dead liberal....and now I know that we have three branches of government!

Rush:      Well I am America's anchorman.....but do you have a question today Morris?

Morris:    Uh....No

Rush:     OK....well thanks for calling in. Let's go tooooo....Marci from Shreveport. Welcome to the Rush Limbaugh show Marci.

Marci:    Hello Rush....I wanna say what an honor it is to talk to you.....

Rush:     Thank you

Marci:    I think that I haven't missed but four or five shows in twenty years...

Rush:    Wow....that's faithfulness! And...

Marci:   And this is the first time that I could get in.....but I didn't know the passwords before....."I wanna say what an honor it is to talk to you"....I've got one of your signed books....and a Rush coffee mug....and a....

Rush:     Marcie....what do you mean passwords?

Marci:    Oh you know.....coup....witch hunt....FISA....neverTrumpers.....words like that. My pastor filled my in on the passwords and I got right in.

Rush:     Mr. Snerdly are you awake at the wheel....heh....heh....let's go to Special Dog in Pittsburgh....Pennsylvania....my second adopted home....
I played records there on WIXZ and later on KQV back in the 70s....what can I do for you Special Dog.

S.D:      Rush....I listened to you back then. I was researching something and came across a transcript of a show of yours from 2007 where you were complaining that Barack Obama's followers were like a cult....aren't there similarities....and isn't it possible that Donald Trump's followers are like a cult?

Rush:    Folks I like to take liberal callers once in a while...

S.D.       I'm way to the right of you Rush.

Rush:     Special Dog....I'm on a heartbreak....let me just say this....I have the most intelligent callers in radio....they would never fall for some cult leader.....OK folks.....your Maha Rushie will be back after this insane profit break.

Special Dog's World

           OK....you don't know me so I can tell these stories. While shopping at a major retailer today....because my 38 waist bluejeans don't fit anymore....I decided also that I need another pair of thermal socks....as that mystery of mysteries....where did the matching sock disappear to....has struck at my house once again. Anyway.....this huge retailer had only one type of thermal sock....and they had Christmas and winter themes on them....no big deal as I wear them under hiking or cowboy boots. The problem was that one pair was $9.97....as read a big sign at the top.

           I really have to think hard about spending $9.97 on one pair of socks....even though they were of a good quality....but there were a couple of smaller price signs at the end of a few of the hooks that said....$4.47. So I called an employee over who was working in that aisle.....and asked her which one was the real price. Well....maybe it was a bad day for her for she snapped...."That one" as she pointed to the big $9.97 sign....while snatching up the $4.47 signs....as if she thought I was trying to pull a fast one. Long story short.....well not really.....I put the pair of socks in the cart.
            Now I don't know about you but I don't like the self checkouts....as I always seem to have to ask for help. I scanned the socks and they came up....50 cents! Well....I'm not going to take advantage of a mistake so I called over the self checkout assistant and told her that this cannot be right....that I even asked an employee in the aisle how much the socks were and she said $9.97.
            The assistant scanned it on her smartphone and said....."No....it's coming up 50 cents." (It might help to know that if there is a quarter sitting by the slot at a car wash.....it stays there.....because it's not my quarter) On which I said again that I don't think that can be right.....so she called over the manager who said...."Wow".....but checked it out and said that the price was indeed 50 cents.....probably because of the holiday design. Well at 50 cents I wanted more than one pair but there was a big lineup now behind me because I had both self checkout employees helping me.
           So I took the bags to the truck and returned to the store.....and grabbed three more pairs.....(I didn't want to be a hog)  So here's where Special Dog's World gets more weird. There was a customer standing a few feet away.....looking at thermal gloves. If he wears thermal gloves he would probably wear thermal socks....so I asked him. "Hey buddy....are you looking for a deal?" Well I regretted right away doing this....at least phrasing it like that. He looked at me....masked....hair down to my shoulders.....(I haven't been to a barber in a year)....wearing sweats....as I just finished my walk....and didn't say anything.....so I continued...."This will only take a minute".....and told him the whole story....manager and all. He looked over the thermal socks.....and became like a kid in a candy store......grabbing a couple handfulls.
            I thought about telling the lady that earlier told me they were $9.97....that they were only 50 cents.....so she could verify it and put a sign up....and a lot of people could get this deal....but I remembered our conversation....and just went on to purchase the three pairs of socks.

Note: Folks....we need a little humor in life....and this was definitely....a little....humor. My wife just read me a t-shirt caption from a catalog that read.....Sometimes I talk to myself....then we both laugh and laugh. That's something I might buy....and wear on the boardwalk. (long story) The other day I heard a joke that Alan King once told....remember him....he said that he had three brothers who were all big time doctors.....and one day his elderly father was walking funny so the family took him to the hospital....where they took tests....and his brothers could not detect anything so they told the father for the time being just to rest up. He had another brother who was a bookie....who took the father's shoes to put in the bedroom.....and found last night's sock rolled up in the toe. So I might not have a PHD....but I know a sock problem when I have one.