Can You Use....OCD....As A Word In Scrabble?

Preface: Please also visit my specialdogg.blogspot.com homepage:

My wife and I were playing Scrabble tonight....well....we started playing Scrabble....it was early in the game...on my second word....and I picked out three tiles from the bag....as my wife was trying to come up with her word. I told her that we had a small problem. One of the tiles that I pulled from the bag....was the letter....V.....four points.....but it had a magic marker line through the V. She didn't see a problem but I asked her what letter it was supposed to be....and she said a V....upon which I asked her why there was a line through it. She thought that maybe we had been using it as another letter....for if we dropped a tile on the floor....the dog would grab it and chew it....that is when we had a dog....and I would find another letter somewhere in our other games. I must have only been able to find a V....and put a line on it to make another letter. So we talked about that for a while. She thought maybe it was supposed to be an....M....but I thought that it looked more like an X. She just wanted to continue playing....but I told her that we cannot play Scrabble without the exact number of letters. So I dumped all the letters out and told her that I have to find out if we have 100 tiles. She wasn't thrilled about this and said that she was going back to her reading. So I started counting tiles but there was 101 of them....so I told her that I would have to separate all the tiles to see exactly what tile the marked tile was to be used for....and I had to start over a couple of times. Finally she said that she was going to bed....and said something about....OCD. It took me a while but I finally found what was going on. She was in bed and did not want to come back to play the game. I asked her if she wanted to know what the letter V with the magic marker line through it was supposed to be....and she said....no....but I told her anyway. It was just an extra tile that somehow got put in the bag. She told me to make sure that I threw the V with the line through it away....but I told her that we might need it someday....and she mentioned below her breath something about....hoarding disorder....and turned off the light. I started walking away but turned around and told her that I was winning 12 to 6 when we quit....so I won.

That was today....yesterday we were out at her mother's house. My wife makes a meal a couple of times a week and we take it out to her. Now she and I have this sight difference of opinion on food. She will buy an off brand if there is a good sale....but I would rather pay...the extra money and get the best brand. She insists that I could not tell the difference between the off brand and the top brand. This has been going on for 48 years and we haven't settled it yet.  So....at dinner....I buttered a French bread roll....and took a bite....made a face...and told my wife that there was something wrong with the butter. She took a little umbrage with my comment....which I thought odd....so I just ate the bread....but looked like a five year old who was forced to eat his broccoli. So today....at dinner at our home....we were having corn on the cob....and she had soft butter on the table. I opened the fridge and told her that I was getting the block butter....and she said something trying to stop me....but I had it in my hand....it was an off brand of butter that we had at her mother's house. 

Today....two days later...we spent a few hours at a museum....and then later went out to dinner....all told about seven hours....and when we reached our car to come home....I struggled a little bit to get behind the steering wheel. When I started the car a dashboard alarm signified that a door was ajar. After a quick glance at the graphics it appeared to me to be the rear driver's side door. I don't usually do this but my knees were aching....and I asked her if she would mind getting out and coming around to close the rear door on my side....of which she lovingly complied....but when she exited herself and walked around the car....and looked....oops....it my door that was slightly ajar. She open it and closed it....a little harder than need be.

Let's Chat

                                

Note: Fifty-five years ago I was in the army with a top secret clearance....and worked in a compound. Nothing came out of that compound. If you blew your nose into a tissue....that tissue went into a burn bag.

Vance:           "OK let's start. Give me ideas on how we can extort money from Europe?"

Hegseth:        "I think that we should charge them for every bomb dropped on Germany in World War II.

Gabbard:       "Do I really have to be in this meeting. I only have this job because of my looks?"

Sergey:          "Here's an idea....how about annexing Norway for national security purposes?"

Rubio:           "Lavrov....how did you get in this chatroom?"

Sergey;          "Elon let me in....right Elon?"

Musk:            "He paid a billion dollars for it. Anyone can get in for a billion dollars."

Rubio:           "Elon....how did you get in here?!"

Musk:            "I'm looking for fraud and someone to fire."

Vance:           "OK everybody....let's settle down! Marco...."

Musk:            "Polo!"

Vance:           "This stuff is serious! Marco....."

Musk             "Polo."

Vance:           "Cut it out Elon! Marco....you are being very disrespectful to the President."

Musk:            "😜"

Hegseth:         "🔥"

Rubio:            "President Trump is in here?"

John Baron:    "No I'm not."

Rubio:             "Who is John Baron?"

Vance:            "I'm talking about President Putin."

Putin:              "I am only here to tell you how great your President Trump is!"

John Baron:     "If I was here I would say that I love Vladimir too....but I'm not here."

Vince's Pizza   "Hey....who wants to order a pizza?"

Waltz:              "Oops....I thought the VP meant Vice President?"

Bondi:              "I'll take a small with pepperoni and extra cheese. Make it white sauce in case I spill some on my white Brunello Cucinelli twill jacket."

RFK JR.          "I just banned extra cheese on pizzas."

John Baron:     "And if I were here....which I'm not....I would tell you that I am putting a 100% tariff on Swiss cheese and French fries and Spanish olives and Canadian bacon and Irish stew and Swedish meatballs and Belgian waffles and Mexican jumping beans and Italian salad dressing and Polish sausage."

Musk:             "Donald....I eat Mexican jumping beans at every meal. That's why I jump around like I do."

Vance:            "OK....there's a problem here. Let's all switch over to Facebook where it is secure!"

Musk:            "And why aren't we going to X?"

Rubio:            "You're not going anywhere Elon. You don't have a security clearance!"

Musk:             "Yes I do....Donald gave me Chief Justice John Robert's security clearance."

Hegseth:         "This chat is over! I have to go on Fox and deny that this ever happened!"

John Baron:    "Make sure you call it a hoax and a witch hunt! They fall for it every time."

Note: Trump has used fake names at times when he wanted someone to know something....but not that it was him who was telling them. John Baron is one of those names. In this recent Signal chat disaster there was someone that signed in as Jacob....and no one seems to know who that might be. Hey....maybe it was Trump....or maybe Elon?

Here is another ploy that Trump has used for a long time....he will say that....'a lot of people are saying' or 'a lot of people would like me to do this.' There may be no one saying anything but by putting it this way....if there is a blowback on the comment....Trump can always say that it wasn't he that said it....but he heard someone else say it. Yesterday he talked about a third term....and said...."a lot of people would like me to do it."

        

Come Lord Jesus......Just Call First Please

This is a rough post.....from 2022. I store it in my humor posts but I hope it might bring a tear more than anything else. 

A Lord's Day brunch prayer....before the big game

Lord Jesus 

As you know....for this blessing is from you....
        our son Kyle has a full football scholarship....
        at an SEC school....GO DOGS!
        and you have also blessed us with a beautiful daughter....
        whose wedding is planned for next year....
        and we need every minute of this year to prepare for it....
        so yes Lord Jesus....come....just not right now.

I know that America has strayed far from you...
        but that's really the Democrats Lord...
        I was just talking to the pastor the other day...
        at the pot luck after the service....before the game
        and he says that we are going to get the House back....
        and then we are going to throw Hunter Biden in Jail...

They're making us wear masks Lord....
        just like they put a crown of thorns on your head!
        our wonderful freedoms are being taken away....
        bless Donald Trump Lord....and Ron DeSantis....
            and Matt Gaetz...and Marjorie Taylor....I can't remember her last name....
                and the My Pillow Guy.

May I ask one more thing Lord....
        when you do come....
        can you call first...and leave a message
        to see if we are home....
        what with Bible studies and pickle ball and all
        a grandkid on the way....
        it's going to be a busy decade or so.

So all praise to you Lord....
        Come Lord Jesus....
        With all your mighty angels....
        In Power and glory....
        And righteous judgment....(on the Democrats)....
        Just not right now.

Just one last very personal request Lord...
        just in case Billy Graham was right
        and you are indeed coming real soon....
        could you possibly schedule the rapture....
        in early April.....
        (just after March Madness if possible)
        so I don't have to break my back...
        unnecessarily spreading all that mulch....
               and fertilizer?
        (I missed the first week of this year's....
        church golf league because of it....
        and couldn't bend over to putt)

What Not To Read Before Going To Bed

            Rush was in seventh heaven. This would be the third time that he played Augusta National Golf Club but he would be playing it with the President of the United States. As he just stood and looked down the fairway to the first green he marveled at the beauty of the golf course and this world in general but the sirens awakened him out of his trance. The motorcade pulled right up to the tee and out stepped Donald Trump.

          "Good morning Mr. President. It's a great day for golf!"
          "Mornin' Rush, how much do you want to play for?"
          "Well Mr. President I'm not much of a betting man....how about a grand a hole?"
          "You're on."

           Next out of the Lincoln was Jared Kushner....and then Ivanka....and then a pleasant enough looking man in a suit and tie who kind of looked like....it was....Sean Spicer....the White House press secretary? Two young men and an older man walked up to the tee. They were to be the caddies....the one looked familiar.

           "So Mr. President.  Who will be the foursome."
            "Jared, you and me. Ivanka is here to advise me and Sean sends out my tweets."
           "OooooKaaay. Who tees up first."
           "Ivanka, who tees up first?"
           "You do Dad."

           The first hole was a 445 yard slightly right dogleg with a huge sand trap a little over halfway down the right side of the fairway and another huge trap just to the front left of the green. The president teed off...the ball sailed high and slightly to the right...landing in the trap.

           "Oh...tough one Mr. President."
           "Sean"... shouted the president...."Send out a tweet....'Really big drive on Augusta one!' "

           Jared stepped up to the tee but didn't tee anything up. He stood over the grass....took a couple of practice swings....moved two feet forward and swung. Both he and the president looked out on the fairway at....nothing!

          "Good tee shot Jared!"
          "Thanks Dad."

          Rush just scratched his head. It was his turn. His caddie handed him his driver. The caddie looked familiar.

         "Don't I know you?"

         The president spoke up.

         "That's Steven K. Bannon, Rush. I promoted him just this morning to Augusta National caddie."
 
          Rush felt a weird rush....but just teed up and sent the ball out about 250 yards....in the fairway....missing the trap. Now he usually likes to gab on the golf course but was a little taken aback....because Jared swung at nothing....Rush thought anyway....but it was a good shot....and a National Security Council adviser was promoted into being his caddie?
         The President stood in the trap...planted his feet in the sand and hacked....again and again....finally getting the ball out of the sand....over the fairway and into the rough.

         "Sean!....Tweet....'on in two!' "

          Rush asked....Steven K. Bannon....for his seven iron....and when given it tipped his hat. He didn't know what else to say. He played the shot and came up about about ten yards short of the green....but a good shot.  Jared was last since his drive was the longest....Rush guessed. He swung at nothing again and leaned left....

         "Come on ball....hold!"

         The president shouted from forty yards away...

         "Great shot Jared!!

         President Trump had a nine iron in his hands when Ivanka rushed up to him and whispered into his ear. He called to his caddie for his putter....from 150 yards out? He swung the putter hard and advanced the ball about about twenty yards....walked forward and basically putted his way to the green...because of Ivanka's advice.
        Rush lobbed his third shot about twenty yards from the pin. Meanwhile Jared had taken a pitching wedge....swung....at nothing again....and then the President, Ivanka and Sean Spicer all let out a scream! Rush ducked...looked left and right...what was up?

        "Great shot Jared...that should be a tap in!"

         There were the four of them on the green...the president...Jared...Rush...and Sean Spicer...what was he doing on the green....what was he doing in this threesome....or twosome...or whatever the heck it was? Who was to putt first in this circus. Rush was closer than the president but who knows where Jared was.
        The president stepped up to his ball and putted about three feet past the hole then kind of pushed it a couple times into the hole. Rush looked at Jared who nodded for him to putt. He two putted for a bogey five....not bad. Jared lined up his putt....presumably....either that or he was sleeping....or praying. He walked forward...and tapped whatever he was looking at into the hole then he reached into the cup to pull out....nothing....and putting nothing into his pocket.
        As they walked off the green Rush, who had the scorecard, asked the president...

      "Okay. I got a five....Jared got a ....what did Jared get Mr. President?"
       "A birdie."
       "OoooKaaaay....Jared got a birdie...and you got what...a thirteen or fourteen?"
       "I got a par four?"

       Rush chuckled and softly said to the president....

       "Uh....Mr. President....par four is good for me....you deserved it....but your caddie....I heard him say that his daddy is the president of St. Pierre in the South Pacific. His daddy sent him to the states for an education and to learn the value of money. Uh....he might tell someone."
       "The President of St. Pierre in the South Pacific huh...where's that?"
       "Uh St. Pierre?"
       "No...the South Pacific. Never mind I'll send over a battle group....put me down for a par four....and you owe me a grand.....Sean!....tweet....'sending a battle group to St. Pierre!' "

       Rush had pictured a great...even wonderful day at Augusta...an alarm sounded...what was that....an air raid? He fell out of bed and turn the alarm off and said out loud...

       "I should never have read that Special Dog crap before bed!"

NOTE: Donald Trump is actually a scratch golfer.....presumably anyway....I'm a scratch golfer too....after every swing I scratch my head.

       

A Degree In Cannabis Science?

 This came to my mind this afternoon while in a seminar on estate planning:

The plan was for the father to pay for the son's college education. The son came home from college during his first semester.....and his father asked him what he was going to major in. The son answered...."Cannabis Science." The father looked at him and said...."Let me get this straight. I am going to pay for you to go to college to study.....Cannabis Science?" The son replied...."Well that's what I want to do." The father paused and added...."Well....if there's a will....there's a way." The son said...."Gee thanks dad!" To which the father corrected him...."You misunderstand....if I am dead....then there is a will....and that would be your way. Short of my death....I am not providing money for you to go to college and study....Cannabis Science!"

Debate Snippets

............................................................................

I was typing quickly....but here are some of the snippets I watched of the debate....

B. Baier......."This question is to Vivek Ramaswamy....'Are those dental implants?"

V. R............."Of course....and if I am elected....every single American will be able to afford
                     dental implants."

B. Baier......."Thank you....Chris Christie....you look like you want to attack Vivek
                      Ramaswamy?"

C. C............."There is no place on this stage for someone that thin!"

Martha M....."Nikki Haley.....what is your view on abortion?"

N. H............."I have the same view on abortion that seventy United States Senators have."

Martha M....."Which is....?"

N. H.............."Depends on what they have at the time."

B. B.............."Governor DeSantis....what is your opinion on taxes?"

R. D.............."I would fire Anthony Fauci....kick him until he falls....and then jump on his
                        face."

B.B..............."What does that have to do with taxes?"

R. D.............."Oh I thought you said....Texas."

B. B............. "What would Texas have to do with Dr. Fauci?"

R. D.............."And I will never shut down this country....even if three hundred million people
                        are dead....that still leaves thirty million to boycott Disney."

Martha M......"Former Vice President Pence....earlier you said that you would still
                        support Donald Trump as nominee even if he was found guilty
                        of crimes?"

M. P..............."And what is the question?"

Martha M......."No question....I just wanted to bring that up."

B. B................"Mr. Burgess...."

D. B................"That's Burgum!"

B. B................"Sorry....Mr. Bur...gum....just what is it that you do for a living?"

D.B................."I am a governor?"

B. B................"Of what state?"

D. B................"North Dakota."

B. B................"Thank you.....Mr. Christie....would you step out from in front of that podium
                         for a minute....so that everyone can see how overweight you are?"

R. D................"Hey....I'm over here you know....you haven't asked me a question yet."

B.B.................."We have asked you five questions so far Governor DeSantis."

R. D................."Sure....and I'm Mickey Mouse!"

C.C.................."He has the ears!"

Martha M........."I would like to give a 'raise your hand' question to all of you....remember....if
                            you do not answer quickly.....people will think that you are indecisive......
                            'How many of you would support the Republican Party nominee even if
                            it was the devil himself'?"

All the hands go up.....and then they all go down....and then some go back up again.....this goes on for two minutes....and they are still going up and down!

B. Beiar................"Well that's all the time we have for tonight....we all know who won!
    

Hot Buttons

 Hot Buttons.......October 2010:

Joey: Hey Gramps.

Gramps: Hi Joey. And for what reason do I have this pleasure?

Joey: I was wondering if you would do me a favor and help with a school project?

Gramps: Sure. What is it?

Joey: Well, it's for my Civics class. Mr. Horton's assignment is to ask three people their opinions
on who was America's best president and who was the worst. They have to be from three different age groups, for instance I can have one young, one middle age and one elderly.

Gramps: I'm in, Who are you getting for the young person and the elderly one?

Joey: Uh....Well I asked Uncle Tim....and I asked Jimmy Jones who graduated a few years ago..

Grampa: Hmmmm. So that makes me...the....uh....elderly?

Joey: Well, yeah...elderly or senior citizen I guess.

Granpa: Joey. I'm 59 and 3/4 years old. Did you know that Gordie Howe played
professional hockey until he was 51 years old?

Joey: Gordie who?

Gramps: Not "who"..."Howe."

Joey: How what?

Granpa: Never mind.

Joey: Wow, you knew a lot about sports when you were young!

Gramps: So, do you just want me to name the presidents?

Joey: Well, you're supposed to give your thoughts on why you chose them.

Gramps: That's a cinch...... what do you mean "when I... was... young?" Did you know that Tom
Watson, he's five months older than me by the way, led most of the way in last year's
U. S. Open?

Joey: Was that the "Senior" league?

Gramps: No that wasn't the Senior league! Well, hey anyway. If there's three things I got to
give...it's opinions, opinions and opinions.

Joey: Great. I've got a recorder here, so you can just talk and I'll write down your answers
later.

Gramps: Ok, here we go. By the way. Did you know that Grandma Moses didn't start painting
until she was in her 70s? That 7...zero...70s!

Joey: Was she my great-grandma?

Grampa: No. Never mind. You know, I was thinking, the name "Gramps" makes one sound old....
now you can't really call me Wilbur?

Joey: Did you have a nickname when you were....uh....real, real young?

Gramps: Well, yeah. They called me "bolthead" because I liked to fix cars so much.

Juey: Bolt......head?

Gramps: Not, bolt........head, bolthead, the girls loved it.

Joey: So you want me to call you Grampa bolthead?

Gramps: Lets just forget it, back to this assignment...take a seat and fasten
your seat belt for you hit on two hot buttons today.

Joey: Hey, you got a lot a "hot buttons", how bout if I call you "hot
buttons?"

Gramps: Hot buttons huh? Yeah that'll work.

Joey: Did my dad have a nickname when he was young?

Hot Buttons: Yes he did but I think that he should be the one who tells you...if he wants to.
Ok. here we go.....cough cough...ah...hem! I've actually thought about this before.My vote for our greatest president was the Gipper.

Joey: The What?

Hot Buttons: The Gipper. You mean you that you didn't know that Ronald Reagan's nick-
was the "Gipper." Well, let me tell you something else that you might not have known.
Reagan was a couple of weeks short of 70 years old, that's 7...zero...70 when he was
inaugurated our 40th president. Anyway, I look at three areas when trying to make a
choice like this. How did the economy do during the presidency, how about our foreign
policy and national defense....and was the American public changed in any way while
he was in office? On the economy, America prospered, primarily due to tax cuts for
the American people, after the malaise of the Carter Administration. Do you know what
"Malaise" means?

Joey: No!

Hot buttons: Neither do I but put it in anyway...it sounds good. Anyway, Reagan strengthened our
military, that and our growth was a death knell for the Soviet Union. As for the spirit
of Americans...his words, always beautiful and profound, inspired, they motivated,
they instilled a confidence in the people, they melted even his stronger detractors.
He was the quintessential example of leadership. Do you know what "quintessential"
means?

Joey: Yeah.

Hot Buttons: Good. Tell me later. So that's my choice for our greatest president. As for the worst.
Joey, this is sad in talking about for it's our current president. I knew from the
beginning that I disagreed with his policies but I wasn't prepared for what transpired,
and it continues almost every day. The bailouts, admittedly started by his predecessor,
and the stimulus packages that put us so deeply in debt that we will never overcome
this burden, the attack on "business" in general that appears to come from deep
inward hostility towards America's worldwide economic prowess, and the taxation
that will make "all" Americans totally dependent on what their government allows,
these things, and others, make him America's worst president on our economy. The
national defense and foreign policy are even worse, if possible. Our longstanding
advantage in military capabilities is being eroded. Aircraft and navies of governments
who are not friends of ours, are catching up and may surpass us. Our allies are on
"pins and needles" as they try to determine what we will do in an emergency. Lastly, the
American public has become two peoples in one nation, one still resembling America's
heritage and the other being an assortment of......groups.....seeking only benefits for their.....group. This president plays to our weaknesses instead of challenging us to think.  He's undoing much of what Martin Luther King accomplished. He lumps honest dissenters in with terrorists and lumps
terrorists in with honest Muslims. And we are only 18 months into his term! Well,
that's about it.

Joey: Thanks a lot Hot Buttons. I'll tell my dad how much you helped me. He's the one
that recommended you for the el...der..ly person.

Hot Buttons: Squiggy!

Joey: Squiggy?

Hot Buttons: Yeah...Squiggy. That was your dad's nick-name. Tell Squiggy that Hot Buttons says,
"you're welcome!?

The Blob From Pittsburgh

 

I don't have a comment link as a true blog would have....and addressed the issue a few times by trying to fill this void with....examples....of comments that I....might receive if I did offer that option....and answers that I might give if I received what I might receive...or something like that.

April 14, 2009

Special Dog...or can I just call you dog? I am daily transfixed by this blog because of the constant seepage of stupidity, trivial boredom and jokes that are as funny as George Bush in the Oval Office. So you fancy yourself an expert in foreign policy, economics, religion and motivational techniques? In actuality, Charles Manson was probably a better influence on his group. You could have been one of Il Duce's Red Shirts from what I have seen of your regurgitating all of Bush's lies. He couldn't get bin Laden so he went after the guy who tried to hurt his Poppy. He's just an American Sheik and will be wearing much bigger pin-stripes when the International Court gets hold of him. As for Economics, you probably can't even balance your own checkbook! Religion? Apparently you have condemned everyone that does not agree with you to hell. God is a loving God, my friend, and he knows my heart and I am fully confident that he will accept me into his kingdom, should he really exist. And as for the advice that you seem to relish in giving, I can make a good case for guns not being the number one thing that needs banned. Trust me, you are no psychologist. Had you lived a century earlier, Freud would have written of the idiot, the ego and the superego. Dale from Elmira.

Dale, please excuse me for delaying in this response. I was quite taken aback by some of your comments. As for bad jokes, you are probably alluding to my question, "How do you tell a female fish from a male fish? You throw it in the bottom of the boat and if it flops this way and that way trying to get out, it is probably a male. If it looks up at you and says...Excuse me, could you give me directions on how to get of this boat... it is probably a female." Unfortunately, I have to admit, this was not a joke. I had heard this and just assumed that it was true. I got to thinking later and realized....fish can't talk. I don't mean to be picky but Mussolini had his Black Shirts, Hitler had his Brown Shirts, Al Gore has his Green Shirts and I believe that it is Hillary that is planning on Red Shirts. I have no idea how you know that I can't balance my own checkbook. I assume that it was just a lucky guess. I'll have you know that I studied psychology under Dr. Robert Hartley for eight seasons...er....years. I hope all is well in Elmira.

And this from August 13, 2011

Dogface....you are a conceited blowhard, a pipsqueak fabricator of lies, a bourgeoisie barnacle on the (deleted) of the Koch brothers, a textbook example of a fool, a dimwitted-moronic-imbecilic monkey who happens to type. Your brain is half the size of the iPhone you write about. You are probably a pig at the dinner table. The monitor on your computer is probably pitted from the noxious fumes coming from your bloated head. The monitors of those who happen, by pure chance, to come across your drivel are probably covered with vomit. You can't spell, you can't write, you can't even think. You give the alphabet a bad name. Spellcheck can't even figure out your hoof-pecked random assortment of letters vaguely resembling English words. I have read every blog you have fouled cyberspace with and now have nightmares of a blob coming out of Pittsburgh that sucks the air out of all footballs. Sincerely, Harry

Dear Harry, I am not a pipsqueak!! As for the nightmares...that's weird...can't help you there.

And these from this past March,

Dear Sir, I wanted to point out some errors in your thinking and logic with precision and clarity. Barack Obama is on his way to becoming the greatest President in United States history. His grasp of foreign policy has the wisdom of Solomon. Who else is able to see the circumlocution of the George Kennan doctrine and eviscerate military buildups without pandering to those who never really had the courage to build seminal relationships void of jealousy and rage. Our economy has moved along a line of tepid improvement while strengthening its fundamental structure without endangering the primary "amino acids" if you will, of sound, strong improvement? President Obama has instilled hope in those who, up until now, have only been able to call on inner motivations to face the massive forces aligned against them, all with due diligence to what every American has called its heritage, that being, total awareness of every liability that lurks within the assets of this post-Utopian age. Science has profited from the reality inherent in the broad scope of multi-faceted organizations that are constantly in flux and progressing at an incredible rate! The much maligned educational system has not only survived but demonstrated ingenuity in spite of numerous attempts to confound every non-consequential perfidy this administration has identified and pursued with more than due diligence. Generally, finding answers to every problem is a Herculean task but no Sisyphean quest for  only by addressing every profligate Republican led maneuver can we actually turn these assaults into blessings for every American! It's been truly remarkable. Barack Obama has more than demonstrated brilliance, he has made the word synonymous with "Obama Administration." I'm sorry to bust your bubble but logic always always wins the day and clarity is the weapon of choice for every true and blue American! Julius Chernenko, Professor of Inner-Gender Studies and Holographic Historicity at the City College of Bangor, Maine P.S. Although on a slightly different topic you might want to read my paper titled The Sex Habits of the Pontchartrainian Turtle and its correlation to the "God Myth.".

Dear Professor Chernenko, I had trouble following the meaning of your comments for I only have a college education. I did though, happen across your paper while sitting in the doctor's office waiting for a butt enhancement procedure. It sounded like a Communist plot!

and this also...

Man u r nuts. What's all this comunism crap. I cant understan a word u say. u must have a innerear problem. get with it dude. Mark from L.A. the real spechal dog!

Dear...Mark...er...Spechal Dog...thanks for the input.

He Didn't Expend One Foot Pound Of Energy In The Whole Ordeal

             Our dog was overdue for a bath and we had a house full of people coming over the next day. This is two days ago. Now he does not like getting a bath. My wife and I usually struggle big time getting him into the tub....but she wasn't due home for about a half hour.....and I really wanted to get this over with. So I tried to get the dog in the tub by myself but he's just too big for me to lift him. I did try it and could feel it in my back so I gave up on that idea. I next tried to bribe him with Milkbones......but that didn't work. So I went to the refrigerator for some cooked ground beef. I held it in my hand over the tub but the dog just looked at me. About twenty minutes had passed by now so I got in the tub and sat down with my hand open showing him the ground beef. He still just looked over into the tub. I knew that if my wife came home just then that she would grab her iPhone quickly and take that picture.....of me sitting in the tub.....fully clothed.....my hand open with ground beef in it.....and the dog just sitting there looking at me. So now I'm wrestling with the dog.....trying to drag him over the edge of the tub. It's 90 degrees and I'm drenched in sweat. I finally got his front legs in with me....and then threw what was probably a good wrestling move on him as I quickly went for his back legs and grunted as I dragged them in the tub. So now there is the two of us sitting in the tub....and he's mostly on top of me. I still had the ground beef clenched in my hand. I heard my wife coming up the stairs....that picture would have been worse.....so I got out of the tub fast.....not that easy for a 69 year old guy.....and turned the water on as if nothing were out of the ordinary on dog bath day.

Your Horse Is So Fat....

           So...what is up with these posts? One day the writer is telling jokes...the next he's sobbing about America's impending calamities....and the next he's writing about the glories of God? I don't blame you for wondering about this. I'll try my best to explain it.  We'll have to go back to those fun lovin' Puritans:

         Obadiah:     Charity?
         Charity:       What dost thee want Obadiah?
         Obadiah:      Knock knock?
         Charity:       Obadiah, why dost thee say...knock knock?
         Obadiah:      Tis a path for laughter Charity. Thee should answer with...Who knocketh
                              on my door?
         Charity:        Oh! Who knocketh on my door?
         Obadiah:      Jehoshaphat.
         Charity:        I knoweth no Jehoshaphat!
         Obadiah:      Charity...thee should say...Jehoshaphat who.
         Charity:        Tis not good grammar Obadiah. Would God receive
                              glory by using improper grammar?       
         Obadiah:       Doth not God receive glory by obeying thy husband?
         Charity:        Oh, since thee putteth it as such...Jehoshaphat...who?
         Obadiah:       Ya hoss' so fat...it maketh thy flesh appeareth lean...without fatness...
                               ha ha ha ha....ha ha ha ha ha!
          Charity:        Obadiah, has thee been drinking evening ale again for refreshment
                               as thee tilleth the fields ?

         Now I'm sure that it didn't happen quite like this but the Puritans were a serious people who sought glory for their God in everything that they did. They also recognized that God wished them to be joyful and adorned with laughter when not working in their professions or in their fields.
         It is true...the Puritan would not be laughing too much today, living in Vanity Fair as we do, but they would still share laughter at times when their prayers were complete for the evening. I can assure you that my own eyes are moist with sorrow more than with tears from laughter, for our beloved nation indeed staggers as a drunken sot while highwaymen wait to pounce on their fat prey.
         Puritanism is regularly ridiculed today and lambasted from the editorial page to the comics and from the telly to the silver screen but we are but mice compared to their manliness and clownish to their stateliness. The Puritan of England and of our own beginnings in America was very seriously something to behold and I have to even watch that I do not make light of their lifestyle in a way that obscures their main purpose which was to 'Glorify God and enjoy Him forever!'

Tuesdays With Special Dog

 The following is the setting from a post from the fall of 2016. It was supposed to be a series of weekly conversations between two good friends.....at a Starbucks....in Manhattan....but I never did a followup....until now

          OK....we're sitting around a table having coffee...no....let's make it a little more interesting...it's Fifth Avenue in Manhattan on a cold and rainy fall evening. We are sitting in a Starbucks drinking a caramel frappuccino (you) and a coffee (me)....wait, I hate Starbucks coffee.... I'm drinking a latte. There are no orange, yellow and red leaves to look at but with a little imagination the bright red, yellow and orange raincoats on the ladies walking by can be as enjoyable....and the neon lights mirroring off the oil slicked avenue can be as a wide mountain stream reflecting the colors of an aurora in the low hanging clouds. Fast forward to today for their next meeting....

Tuesdays With Special Dog....After The Lockdown

Me......"Hey John......brother......Good to see you again. I've really missed our Tuesday talks!

John...."Yeah....I missed them too.....I've missed conversation with any human being during this virus!"

A waiter shuffles over and sprays and wipes down their small round table. He's wearing a small silver dust mask....and some kind of silver du-rag on top of his head. After ordering....Special Dog looks at John and comments...

Me...."John....does that waiter look a little like Woody Allen's fake robot character in Sleeper?"

John....."It sure does Special Dog!"

Me......"Don't call me Special Dog....anyway....texting is OK but it's not the same....what do want to talk about?"

John....."There's no sports to talk about like we usually do....nothing to talk about except politics really.....so why don't we just go right into where you finish each week up with anyway....the end of the world?"

Me....."Ha Ha Ha....finally.....we get to the serious stuff first."

John....with a serious expression...."What's your take on this world shutdown?"

Me.....after pausing....."Well....number one....looking back on it....one moment we're bragging about our great accomplishments....predicting even greater things in the future.....and then.....out of no where....bam!"

John...."You know what really shook me.....they.....the government....they can do anything they want from now on....under the right circumstances.....we're cooked."

Me...."Yeah....like that proverbial frog in the kettle."

John...."OK....I'm going to cut to the quick.....what do you think is next?"

Me...."I don't know John. I didn't know that this particular judgment was coming. I just know that God's Word has made it clear for a long time that His patience with us was wearing thin."

The waiter shuffles over....Special Dog and John look him over.....as John tries a trick and says to him...."Woody?" The waiter answers...."Yes sir?" John and Special look at each other and John asks...."Are you Woody Allen?" The waiter's eyes under horned rim glasses go wide....."No!"....and begins to walk away....but adds....."My last name is Konigsberg." John and Special Dog again look at each other.

Me....."John....we both go way back in our Christian walk to the early 80s. We knew back then that the Lord must be coming back soon....we knew what America had become.....and now we're ten times worse but we lost all of that discernment. Even with something like this.....we still won't consider ourselves under judgment.....amazing!"

John...."Maybe if we lived in....say Indiana or somewhere....I might just want to start living life again just like before.....but after seeing what happened in the city over the past few months....I think I'm ready to see if I may have missed these warnings that you were always talking about?"

Me....."John.....my situation is even worse than that.....I knew Jesus was near.....this catastrophe didn't surprise me....and it still shook me up! It laid me low. I know these are days of judgment and I still cling too much to this life. I wonder how I'll react when it gets even worse? I'll tell you this....it really increased my prayer life."

John..."Are you referring to that 'peace and security' passage that you talked about last time....where you thought that the 'peace and security' follows some kind of catastrophe....you think this is it?"

Me....."That passage of prophetic scripture is never far from my mind. I know this....we looked at Donald Trump and celebrated peace and security....and prosperity and greatness. We didn't even give this perceived glory to God. We took it for a president and for ourselves."

John...."Laura.....(John's wife).....is reading prophesy all the time now."

Me...."You mean prophesy books that are out there?"

John....."No....thank goodness.....she's reading Jeremiah and Isaiah and Micah and all of them....and Peter and Paul....and especially the words of Jesus about things like this....and uh....your blog."

Me...."I have to think that there may be a winnowing of some sort coming in the church....a long needed winnowing where redeemed Christians from all denominations are set apart by these circumstances....set apart from those who take the faith that they proclaim only so far....and John....I don't think it's going to be pretty."

The waiter shuffled back...."Can I get you another Latte?" John looked across the table to his friend...."Special Dog?"....

Me....."Don't call me Special Dog." 

Waiter...."Excuse me....what kind of name is Special Dog?"

Me...."I write a blog....well more of a bulletin board of posts....a little humor sometimes....under that name."

Waiter...."I write too....a little humor!"

John and Special Dog looked at each other again.

Me....."Have you ever worked in Movies?"

Waiter...."What am I....the mystery guest on What's My line?" That was enough for Special Dog.

Me...."Woody....I would like to tell you about Jesus Christ. Not the Jesus Christ you may think Him to be....but the one who the prophet Isaiah spoke of.....and the Psalms told of....the Messiah who desires very much that Jewish People would search their scriptures anew to see who He is."

Waiter....throws up his hands...."See....I wear a rag on top of my head and people think I'm a Jew. People are always looking at me and thinking....'He must be a Jew!' "

John stood up....knowing where his friend was going.....smiled....and said...."Special Dog....and uh Woody....I think I'll let you two alone to talk....I think you have a lot in common.....somewhere."

John leaves....and Special Dog pulls out the chair next to him and says...."Sit down Woody....please....you see I have this neurosis....I think that everyone thinks I'm a fanatic....and I think that you might be able to help."

Woody sits down...."You used the word 'think' three times in one sentence....you do need help....so why do they....think....you are a fanatic?

Me....."Woody....I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Waiter....."Play it again Sam."

              So.....I came in the room and called our grandson over to show him how to paint on a Buddha Board....I dipped the brush into the water.....two trees....and some rolling hills.....I thought it was pretty good....and my wife came and said...."Hey that's my tonic water!" I think that America would be split down the middle here on who was at fault.....her for leaving a glass of water by the Buddha Board.....or me for not inquiring what this water was for....or not wondering why there was a slice of lime in it?

              

Sean Interviews The President

 May of 2017

Sean:                       Welcome to the show Mr. President.

President Trump:     Thank you Sean. You may kiss my ring.
Sean:                       Ha Ha. That's Funny! And that's a beautiful ring too.
President Trump:     The wall's already built.
Sean:                       What's that again?
President Trump:     The wall is already built. I like to talk in the future/past tense.
Sean:                       The future/past tense?
President Trump:     That's right. Common Core is gone and my second term is going well...
Sean:                       I get it....I think. Anyway. Let met start, I know that your a busy man, let
                                me start with this question. You said that you would sit down and talk with
                                Kim Jong-un...is that correct?
President Trump:    That's correct. And I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he's a good
                               man...a very good man...probably as good as Duterte or whatever his name is.
Sean:                      Well, I wouldn't put anything past your negotiating abilities.
President Trump:    Someday I hope to sit down with Satan.
Sean:                      Ha ha...ha........ha..............ha....Satan?
President Trump:    That's right.
Sean:                      You're a great kidder Mr. President!
President Trump:     I'm not kidding. I'm going to ask Hillary to conjure him up. She's really a very
                                good women you know.
Sean:                      Mr. President. Satan is the cause of the fall of man!
President Trump:     What man?
Sean:                       Adam.
President Trump:     Adam who?
Sean:                       Mr. President, Satan is the great deceiver!
President Trump:     That's politics Sean.
Sean:                       The good book says that Satan is a deceiver....and a destroyer!
President Trump:      Norman Vincent Peale's The Power Of Positive Thinking says that?
Sean:                       No...the Bible. Have you ever read the Bible sir?
President Trump:     Sean. I read three books in my life...and two of them didn't have any pictures.
                                So I obviously love to read but the Bible has all those thee's and thou's. Too
                                many prepositions!
Sean:                       Those are pronouns sir.
President Trump:     Whatever. I tried to read it once. I read once sentence...something like....In the
                                beginning God created the heavens and the earth. I don't think this patent would
                                hold up in court.
Sean:                       Well, I can see we're out of time. Thank you for coming on the show.....yes I
                                saw that earlier.....it's a very nice ring.
                   
                                   

An Informed Citizenry

Knock on the door...

John Smith: Hello! My name is John Smith and I am running for Senator. 
Citizen: Nice too meet you. 
John Smith: Are you tired of higher and higher taxes? 
Citizen: Yes! 
John Smith: Are you for a strong national defense? 
Citizen: Yes.
John Smith: Do you think that families are our most important asset? 
Citizen: Yes. 
John Smith: Well so do I and I would appreciate your vote this November! 
Citizen: Oh, I'm sorry. You must be looking for the village idiot. He lives four houses up, but if you would like to have an adult conversation some day...please stop back. 

The outside of the envelope typically says something like....Important! We must stop (you put in the issue.) Inside might be ten very challenging questions such as Do you want Hugo Chavez teaching your children? Next there will be a block to check if we want to join the fight, and finally you will have four choices of giving $25, $50, $75 or $100. I read recently where someone asked Yogi Berra if he thought that Joe DiMaggio marrying Marilyn Monroe was a good thing. He answered I don't know if it's a good thing or not but it sure beats rooming with Phil Rizzuto. I get the point but as far as having a conversation, I'll take the Yankee shortstop 

John Smith: Hello Ms. Monroe. My name is John Smith and I'm running for Senator. 
Marilyn: Oh! Would you get to wear one of those cute black gowns? 
John Smith: No, Supreme Court Justices wear those. Are you tired of higher and higher taxes? 
Marilyn: I don't know. I've never been any higher in Texas than Houston? 
John Smith: Er...Are you for a strong national defense? 
Marilyn: Okay! 
John Smith: Do you think that families are our most important asset" 
Marilyn: Thank-you! 
John Smith: What? 
Marilyn: Huh?

 Thomas Jefferson: "A well-informed electorate is a prerequisite to democracy."

Note: I wrote the above few sentences about twelve years ago. Things are different today....on our side of the aisle....as they say in the Congress.....for today.....if one were to listen to 'conservative' talk radio beginning in the morning with Breitbart's Alex Marlow.....and straight on through to midnight....ending with....whatever her name is.....you would not be an informed citizen....but rather just a radio denizen.....someone occupying space.....but with a vote....so an important denizen.....just occupying space.

When Call Screening Breaks Down

Rush:       OK....let's go to Morris from Sacramento.....my adopted home town....good-morning sir....how are you?

Morris:    Mega-dittos El Rushbo. I've been listening to you since that day when I was fourteen when my dad locked my in the closet with a radio with the dial taped to your show.

Rush:      Well.....heh heh heh....what ever it takes. How can I help you today?

Morris:    Rush...you changed my life.....before you I was a brain-dead liberal....and now I know that we have three branches of government!

Rush:      Well I am America's anchorman.....but do you have a question today Morris?

Morris:    Uh....No

Rush:     OK....well thanks for calling in. Let's go tooooo....Marci from Shreveport. Welcome to the Rush Limbaugh show Marci.

Marci:    Hello Rush....I wanna say what an honor it is to talk to you.....

Rush:     Thank you

Marci:    I think that I haven't missed but four or five shows in twenty years...

Rush:    Wow....that's faithfulness! And...

Marci:   And this is the first time that I could get in.....but I didn't know the passwords before....."I wanna say what an honor it is to talk to you"....I've got one of your signed books....and a Rush coffee mug....and a....

Rush:     Marcie....what do you mean passwords?

Marci:    Oh you know.....coup....witch hunt....FISA....neverTrumpers.....words like that. My pastor filled my in on the passwords and I got right in.

Rush:     Mr. Snerdly are you awake at the wheel....heh....heh....let's go to Special Dog in Pittsburgh....Pennsylvania....my second adopted home....
I played records there on WIXZ and later on KQV back in the 70s....what can I do for you Special Dog.

S.D:      Rush....I listened to you back then. I was researching something and came across a transcript of a show of yours from 2007 where you were complaining that Barack Obama's followers were like a cult....aren't there similarities....and isn't it possible that Donald Trump's followers are like a cult?

Rush:    Folks I like to take liberal callers once in a while...

S.D.       I'm way to the right of you Rush.

Rush:     Special Dog....I'm on a heartbreak....let me just say this....I have the most intelligent callers in radio....they would never fall for some cult leader.....OK folks.....your Maha Rushie will be back after this insane profit break.

Special Dog's World

           OK....you don't know me so I can tell these stories. While shopping at a major retailer today....because my 38 waist bluejeans don't fit anymore....I decided also that I need another pair of thermal socks....as that mystery of mysteries....where did the matching sock disappear to....has struck at my house once again. Anyway.....this huge retailer had only one type of thermal sock....and they had Christmas and winter themes on them....no big deal as I wear them under hiking or cowboy boots. The problem was that one pair was $9.97....as read a big sign at the top.

           I really have to think hard about spending $9.97 on one pair of socks....even though they were of a good quality....but there were a couple of smaller price signs at the end of a few of the hooks that said....$4.47. So I called an employee over who was working in that aisle.....and asked her which one was the real price. Well....maybe it was a bad day for her for she snapped...."That one" as she pointed to the big $9.97 sign....while snatching up the $4.47 signs....as if she thought I was trying to pull a fast one. Long story short.....well not really.....I put the pair of socks in the cart.
            Now I don't know about you but I don't like the self checkouts....as I always seem to have to ask for help. I scanned the socks and they came up....50 cents! Well....I'm not going to take advantage of a mistake so I called over the self checkout assistant and told her that this cannot be right....that I even asked an employee in the aisle how much the socks were and she said $9.97.
            The assistant scanned it on her smartphone and said....."No....it's coming up 50 cents." (It might help to know that if there is a quarter sitting by the slot at a car wash.....it stays there.....because it's not my quarter) On which I said again that I don't think that can be right.....so she called over the manager who said...."Wow".....but checked it out and said that the price was indeed 50 cents.....probably because of the holiday design. Well at 50 cents I wanted more than one pair but there was a big lineup now behind me because I had both self checkout employees helping me.
           So I took the bags to the truck and returned to the store.....and grabbed three more pairs.....(I didn't want to be a hog)  So here's where Special Dog's World gets more weird. There was a customer standing a few feet away.....looking at thermal gloves. If he wears thermal gloves he would probably wear thermal socks....so I asked him. "Hey buddy....are you looking for a deal?" Well I regretted right away doing this....at least phrasing it like that. He looked at me....masked....hair down to my shoulders.....(I haven't been to a barber in a year)....wearing sweats....as I just finished my walk....and didn't say anything.....so I continued...."This will only take a minute".....and told him the whole story....manager and all. He looked over the thermal socks.....and became like a kid in a candy store......grabbing a couple handfulls.
            I thought about telling the lady that earlier told me they were $9.97....that they were only 50 cents.....so she could verify it and put a sign up....and a lot of people could get this deal....but I remembered our conversation....and just went on to purchase the three pairs of socks.

Note: Folks....we need a little humor in life....and this was definitely....a little....humor. My wife just read me a t-shirt caption from a catalog that read.....Sometimes I talk to myself....then we both laugh and laugh. That's something I might buy....and wear on the boardwalk. (long story) The other day I heard a joke that Alan King once told....remember him....he said that he had three brothers who were all big time doctors.....and one day his elderly father was walking funny so the family took him to the hospital....where they took tests....and his brothers could not detect anything so they told the father for the time being just to rest up. He had another brother who was a bookie....who took the father's shoes to put in the bedroom.....and found last night's sock rolled up in the toe. So I might not have a PHD....but I know a sock problem when I have one. 

Womb To Tomb

          My wife always comes up with one real surprise gift each Christmas....and this year it was interesting....to say the least. It began about a month ago when the doorbell rang....and as I opened it a delivery person was holding his back while pushing a two-wheeled dolly back to the truck....after leaving a box of about two feet by two feet all around. At 70 years old I carry 40 pound water conditioner pellet bags in all the time but this box was a lot heavier than that....and awkward....and soft? I called my wife who was at work....and told her that a package was delivered....and written on it was...'BLANKET.' She said...."Oh that's for work....just put it upstairs for now." Not being the brightest bulb....(if it's going to her work....why take it upstairs)....I lugged it up a half step at a time.
           Segue to Christmas morning.....my wife and I the only ones here this year....and all the presents opened.....or so I thought.....when she said...."Oh there's another one for you upstairs." "Upstairs?" "Yeah that big box".....now Christmas wrapped. Once again not being the brightest bulb....instead of opening it upstairs....or at least asking where it was going to end up....I lugged it down a half step at a time.....for if I slipped....it was all over.
           I had to tear the box off rather than try to lift it out....and it was indeed ....a blanket? Now....you folks who are a lot more cosmopolitan than I probably heard of gravity blankets before but I had not. It's supposed to help you sleep better....and I really need that.....but how? So we laughed....and wondered....and I then had to lug it upstairs again....this time out of the box. It was like carrying the dead body of an adult male up steps.
          One person will never again change the bed sheets in our house. I collapsed on the bed with the....blanket....and started rolling it towards my wife.....too fast as it almost took her to the floor on the other side. Eventually with tugging and pulling we got it on....and had to wait for the evening to see how this modern wonder worked.
          One does not simply roll back the blanket and get in bed. In this case one pushes it like the top of a stone burial vault....and slides in....pulling it back over them.....but I admit it felt good....secure.....safe from a world with Donald Trump....like a womb. Have you ever been covered with about two feet of beach sand.....with only your head sticking out....most of us played that game at the beach.....well it kind of felt like that.
          I toss and turn in bed....even more so in the last four years....and it is tough to do with this....blanket....I asked my wife what magazine she got it from...and what the ad said....and if she was sure this wasn't an industrial blanket to protect generators in places like Antarctica? I also need from time to time....to roll the blanket down to cool off....just for a few moments...but with this it's like you should have an instruction manual....to do it correctly....and keep you from straining yourself. I did get it down to my knees....and the thought that immediately came to mind was of gangsters who would take the feet of a stoolie and cement them in a bucket....before tossing them off the pier. 
          Well it's been three nights so far....and I actually like it....as it does help with sleep....and it looks nice....but there should be some kind of instruction manual....and warning labels on it so that children under....say twelve....never experiment with it.

i May Be Asked This Some Day.....And I Need To Be Able To Answer It

 

            I have a slight problem.....it probably wouldn't seem too important to you.....but I like to keep certain things in order. OK....here it is....I'm not sure what my favorite television situation comedy is of all time. I have it narrowed down to three.....Everybody Loves Raymond.....The Middle....and Monk. 
            Raymond is all laughs.....in all 214 episodes.....of which I've seen three or four times each. My favorite episode is when Robert dates a woman who eats flies. I had that happen to me once.
            The Middle though....209 episodes....is really a show about Everyman....and Mike takes after me. I'll give you an example....in one episode Mike has to say some words from a podium at a family celebration of some sort.....Frankie is worried because Mike is so serious all the time.....so Mike steps up.....looks over the people assembled.....and says something kind off normal....and Frankie smiles.....then he pauses and says....."Look.....we're all gonna die.".....(that's something I would do).....on which Frankie's head drops.....but Mike had a reason for saying that and the talk actually went well.
            In the third show.....Monk....125 episodes....the thing is....watching Monk is like looking in a mirror. There's a framed picture in a local restaurant.....and it's slightly crooked.....and it drives me nuts.....if you know me maybe you know the restaurant....and the crooked picture....I can't reach it because it is over a table....maybe it drives you nuts too.....or maybe not? I have to analyze everything! I'm wondering right now why you are read this post all the way through? 
             I need to be able to answer the question when asked.....What's your favorite television comedy?. I've never been asked that.....fortunately.....but it may happen some day. I'm leaning to Raymond.....no wait....The Middle.....no wait....I shared this question with my wife....she just looked at me and said...."Monk".....and slammed the computer closed.....and went back to her book.
            

Puritans Just Want To Have Fun....At Times Anyway

            Lest you think that I am stuffy all the time....you might be interested in knowing that I can be a 'wild and crazy guy.' Don't believe it? Admittedly it was over a thirty-seven year span....but I was known at work to do things like bend one leg up and tie my ankle to my thigh....then fasten a mop handle to the leg to appear as a peg leg....wear my du-rag as a pirate bandana....cover one eye with a torn off piece of black garbage bag.....and walk around with a thick pirate brogue....."Ayyyye matey!" And another time put a new blonde mop head on as a wig....and using that same mop handle as a baton....with yellow safety tape as streamers.....bent backwards almost parallel to the ground....do a pretty good impersonation off a drum majorette. You should know this....I wasn't the only one in a weird mood at these times.....midnight shifts in a power plant can do strange things to people....otherwise it probably wouldn't have been thirty-seven years there.

             So this morning I may have gone a little overboard with my wife. There was a time when I listened to nothing but country music.....and she hated it.....but as time passed.....and two or three comets passed overhead.....probably having magical powers.....she all of a sudden listens to country music all the time....and I now hate it....but....and this is a big butt....country music doesn't seem to be anything like country music anymore.

             Back to this morning.....I came downstairs....she awoke earlier than me since I was up all hours of the morning posting on the demise of America.....and coming dystopian society....from Lamentations....and the radio was on as usual.....but for some reason there was a real country music song on....Mountain Music.....Alabama.....(when the state of Alabama was still the state of Alabama).....

             "Play me some mountain music.

               Like Grandma and Grandpa used to play.

                Then I'll float on down the river to the Cajun

                 hideaway...."

              That reminds me of a joke I once made up....."Knock knock"...."Who's there?"...."Ya"....."Ya who?"....."Yee...Haw!"

               

               I started clapping and moving one leg with the beat....I think I even shouted.....Yeehaw.....a time or two. I was simply trying to give a visual and oral commentary.....on modernism and its deleterious effect on our American heritage....and country music's inimical contribution to the collapse of America. I called her in the kitchen to hear a real country music song. Fortunately she was on her way to tennis.....we'll probably talk about it later....and this post will be gone....over to my humor page.

Afterthought: There is a time for humor.....a blessing in itself....like wine....making the heart glad....but in moderation. The Puritans were like this...thanking God for his wonderful blessings in this world....with laughter and humor....and at the same time praising Him for his holiness and majesty.....but you would never know this from all the comments made today about being...."Puritanical." Our British Donald Trump...Nigel Farage....even a month ago likened the Puritans of old....without whom he would probably be a politburo member in London....likened the "woke folk" of today....to the Puritans of old. Please read the following post to see who I am most of the time.

Blue Mountain Blues

          It was the Blue Mountain Service Plaza on the Pennsylvania Turnpike only a few hours ago....proving that one can have an epiphany almost anywhere. My wife and I sat down at one of the tables for a bite to eat before continuing over the mountains and on to Western Pennsylvania. I looked to my left....about ten feet.....and there was Starbucks. I then looked to my right....about ten yards or so....and there was a big photo of Leonard Slye looking at me. You probably know him as Roy Rogers. I looked left again....Starbucks.....and back to Roy......paused.....then once again......Starbucks to my left....and Roy to my right. My wife asked me what I was doing....she really should know better. I told her that right before us was a microcosm of the transformation of America.....encapsulating the culinary tastes and cultural alternatives of the Trump voter....on my right and her left.....and that of the Hillary/Obama voter....on my left and her right.  She looked to her right....and then to her  left....and said....."What?" I explained that we have gone from the singing cowboy.....Roy Rogers....Dale Evans.....their Jeep Nellybelle......and their dog Bullet.... the Wonder Dog.....(my first dog was named Bullet after him)....to baristas and scones. We've gone from Happy Trails to New Age and Hip Hop.....form Ovaltine to Green Tea Creme Frappuccino....and here we are in this service plaza given a clear choice on what ideology to support. I don't think she said anything after that.....probably too immersed in the gravity of it all. It dawned on me later that she ordered from Starbucks while I ordered from Roy Rogers! The gravity of the situation then hit me.