Let's Chat

                                

Note: Fifty-five years ago I was in the army with a top secret clearance....and worked in a compound. Nothing came out of that compound. If you blew your nose into a tissue....that tissue went into a burn bag.

Vance:           "OK let's start. Give me ideas on how we can extort money from Europe?"

Hegseth:        "I think that we should charge them for every bomb dropped on Germany in World War II.

Gabbard:       "Do I really have to be in this meeting. I only have this job because of my looks?"

Sergey:          "Here's an idea....how about annexing Norway for national security purposes?"

Rubio:           "Lavrov....how did you get in this chatroom?"

Sergey;          "Elon let me in....right Elon?"

Musk:            "He paid a billion dollars for it. Anyone can get in for a billion dollars."

Rubio:           "Elon....how did you get in here?!"

Musk:            "I'm looking for fraud and someone to fire."

Vance:           "OK everybody....let's settle down! Marco...."

Musk:            "Polo!"

Vance:           "This stuff is serious! Marco....."

Musk             "Polo."

Vance:           "Cut it out Elon! Marco....you are being very disrespectful to the President."

Musk:            "😜"

Hegseth:         "🔥"

Rubio:            "President Trump is in here?"

John Baron:    "No I'm not."

Rubio:             "Who is John Baron?"

Vance:            "I'm talking about President Putin."

Putin:              "I am only here to tell you how great your President Trump is!"

John Baron:     "If I was here I would say that I love Vladimir too....but I'm not here."

Vince's Pizza   "Hey....who wants to order a pizza?"

Waltz:              "Oops....I thought the VP meant Vice President?"

Bondi:              "I'll take a small with pepperoni and extra cheese. Make it white sauce in case I spill some on my white Brunello Cucinelli twill jacket."

RFK JR.          "I just banned extra cheese on pizzas."

John Baron:     "And if I were here....which I'm not....I would tell you that I am putting a 100% tariff on Swiss cheese and French fries and Spanish olives and Canadian bacon and Irish stew and Swedish meatballs and Belgian waffles and Mexican jumping beans and Italian salad dressing and Polish sausage."

Musk:             "Donald....I eat Mexican jumping beans at every meal. That's why I jump around like I do."

Vance:            "OK....there's a problem here. Let's all switch over to Facebook where it is secure!"

Musk:            "And why aren't we going to X?"

Rubio:            "You're not going anywhere Elon. You don't have a security clearance!"

Musk:             "Yes I do....Donald gave me Chief Justice John Robert's security clearance."

Hegseth:         "This chat is over! I have to go on Fox and deny that this ever happened!"

John Baron:    "Make sure you call it a hoax and a witch hunt! They fall for it every time."

Note: Trump has used fake names at times when he wanted someone to know something....but not that it was him who was telling them. John Baron is one of those names. In this recent Signal chat disaster there was someone that signed in as Jacob....and no one seems to know who that might be. Hey....maybe it was Trump....or maybe Elon?

Here is another ploy that Trump has used for a long time....he will say that....'a lot of people are saying' or 'a lot of people would like me to do this.' There may be no one saying anything but by putting it this way....if there is a blowback on the comment....Trump can always say that it wasn't he that said it....but he heard someone else say it. Yesterday he talked about a third term....and said...."a lot of people would like me to do it."

        

Come Lord Jesus......Just Call First Please

This is a rough post.....from 2022. I store it in my humor posts but I hope it might bring a tear more than anything else. 

A Lord's Day brunch prayer....before the big game

Lord Jesus 

As you know....for this blessing is from you....
        our son Kyle has a full football scholarship....
        at an SEC school....GO DOGS!
        and you have also blessed us with a beautiful daughter....
        whose wedding is planned for next year....
        and we need every minute of this year to prepare for it....
        so yes Lord Jesus....come....just not right now.

I know that America has strayed far from you...
        but that's really the Democrats Lord...
        I was just talking to the pastor the other day...
        at the pot luck after the service....before the game
        and he says that we are going to get the House back....
        and then we are going to throw Hunter Biden in Jail...

They're making us wear masks Lord....
        just like they put a crown of thorns on your head!
        our wonderful freedoms are being taken away....
        bless Donald Trump Lord....and Ron DeSantis....
            and Matt Gaetz...and Marjorie Taylor....I can't remember her last name....
                and the My Pillow Guy.

May I ask one more thing Lord....
        when you do come....
        can you call first...and leave a message
        to see if we are home....
        what with Bible studies and pickle ball and all
        a grandkid on the way....
        it's going to be a busy decade or so.

So all praise to you Lord....
        Come Lord Jesus....
        With all your mighty angels....
        In Power and glory....
        And righteous judgment....(on the Democrats)....
        Just not right now.

Just one last very personal request Lord...
        just in case Billy Graham was right
        and you are indeed coming real soon....
        could you possibly schedule the rapture....
        in early April.....
        (just after March Madness if possible)
        so I don't have to break my back...
        unnecessarily spreading all that mulch....
               and fertilizer?
        (I missed the first week of this year's....
        church golf league because of it....
        and couldn't bend over to putt)

What Not To Read Before Going To Bed

            Rush was in seventh heaven. This would be the third time that he played Augusta National Golf Club but he would be playing it with the President of the United States. As he just stood and looked down the fairway to the first green he marveled at the beauty of the golf course and this world in general but the sirens awakened him out of his trance. The motorcade pulled right up to the tee and out stepped Donald Trump.

          "Good morning Mr. President. It's a great day for golf!"
          "Mornin' Rush, how much do you want to play for?"
          "Well Mr. President I'm not much of a betting man....how about a grand a hole?"
          "You're on."

           Next out of the Lincoln was Jared Kushner....and then Ivanka....and then a pleasant enough looking man in a suit and tie who kind of looked like....it was....Sean Spicer....the White House press secretary? Two young men and an older man walked up to the tee. They were to be the caddies....the one looked familiar.

           "So Mr. President.  Who will be the foursome."
            "Jared, you and me. Ivanka is here to advise me and Sean sends out my tweets."
           "OooooKaaay. Who tees up first."
           "Ivanka, who tees up first?"
           "You do Dad."

           The first hole was a 445 yard slightly right dogleg with a huge sand trap a little over halfway down the right side of the fairway and another huge trap just to the front left of the green. The president teed off...the ball sailed high and slightly to the right...landing in the trap.

           "Oh...tough one Mr. President."
           "Sean"... shouted the president...."Send out a tweet....'Really big drive on Augusta one!' "

           Jared stepped up to the tee but didn't tee anything up. He stood over the grass....took a couple of practice swings....moved two feet forward and swung. Both he and the president looked out on the fairway at....nothing!

          "Good tee shot Jared!"
          "Thanks Dad."

          Rush just scratched his head. It was his turn. His caddie handed him his driver. The caddie looked familiar.

         "Don't I know you?"

         The president spoke up.

         "That's Steven K. Bannon, Rush. I promoted him just this morning to Augusta National caddie."
 
          Rush felt a weird rush....but just teed up and sent the ball out about 250 yards....in the fairway....missing the trap. Now he usually likes to gab on the golf course but was a little taken aback....because Jared swung at nothing....Rush thought anyway....but it was a good shot....and a National Security Council adviser was promoted into being his caddie?
         The President stood in the trap...planted his feet in the sand and hacked....again and again....finally getting the ball out of the sand....over the fairway and into the rough.

         "Sean!....Tweet....'on in two!' "

          Rush asked....Steven K. Bannon....for his seven iron....and when given it tipped his hat. He didn't know what else to say. He played the shot and came up about about ten yards short of the green....but a good shot.  Jared was last since his drive was the longest....Rush guessed. He swung at nothing again and leaned left....

         "Come on ball....hold!"

         The president shouted from forty yards away...

         "Great shot Jared!!

         President Trump had a nine iron in his hands when Ivanka rushed up to him and whispered into his ear. He called to his caddie for his putter....from 150 yards out? He swung the putter hard and advanced the ball about about twenty yards....walked forward and basically putted his way to the green...because of Ivanka's advice.
        Rush lobbed his third shot about twenty yards from the pin. Meanwhile Jared had taken a pitching wedge....swung....at nothing again....and then the President, Ivanka and Sean Spicer all let out a scream! Rush ducked...looked left and right...what was up?

        "Great shot Jared...that should be a tap in!"

         There were the four of them on the green...the president...Jared...Rush...and Sean Spicer...what was he doing on the green....what was he doing in this threesome....or twosome...or whatever the heck it was? Who was to putt first in this circus. Rush was closer than the president but who knows where Jared was.
        The president stepped up to his ball and putted about three feet past the hole then kind of pushed it a couple times into the hole. Rush looked at Jared who nodded for him to putt. He two putted for a bogey five....not bad. Jared lined up his putt....presumably....either that or he was sleeping....or praying. He walked forward...and tapped whatever he was looking at into the hole then he reached into the cup to pull out....nothing....and putting nothing into his pocket.
        As they walked off the green Rush, who had the scorecard, asked the president...

      "Okay. I got a five....Jared got a ....what did Jared get Mr. President?"
       "A birdie."
       "OoooKaaaay....Jared got a birdie...and you got what...a thirteen or fourteen?"
       "I got a par four?"

       Rush chuckled and softly said to the president....

       "Uh....Mr. President....par four is good for me....you deserved it....but your caddie....I heard him say that his daddy is the president of St. Pierre in the South Pacific. His daddy sent him to the states for an education and to learn the value of money. Uh....he might tell someone."
       "The President of St. Pierre in the South Pacific huh...where's that?"
       "Uh St. Pierre?"
       "No...the South Pacific. Never mind I'll send over a battle group....put me down for a par four....and you owe me a grand.....Sean!....tweet....'sending a battle group to St. Pierre!' "

       Rush had pictured a great...even wonderful day at Augusta...an alarm sounded...what was that....an air raid? He fell out of bed and turn the alarm off and said out loud...

       "I should never have read that Special Dog crap before bed!"

NOTE: Donald Trump is actually a scratch golfer.....presumably anyway....I'm a scratch golfer too....after every swing I scratch my head.

       

A Degree In Cannabis Science?

 This came to my mind this afternoon while in a seminar on estate planning:

The plan was for the father to pay for the son's college education. The son came home from college during his first semester.....and his father asked him what he was going to major in. The son answered...."Cannabis Science." The father looked at him and said...."Let me get this straight. I am going to pay for you to go to college to study.....Cannabis Science?" The son replied...."Well that's what I want to do." The father paused and added...."Well....if there's a will....there's a way." The son said...."Gee thanks dad!" To which the father corrected him...."You misunderstand....if I am dead....then there is a will....and that would be your way. Short of my death....I am not providing money for you to go to college and study....Cannabis Science!"

Debate Snippets

............................................................................

I was typing quickly....but here are some of the snippets I watched of the debate....

B. Baier......."This question is to Vivek Ramaswamy....'Are those dental implants?"

V. R............."Of course....and if I am elected....every single American will be able to afford
                     dental implants."

B. Baier......."Thank you....Chris Christie....you look like you want to attack Vivek
                      Ramaswamy?"

C. C............."There is no place on this stage for someone that thin!"

Martha M....."Nikki Haley.....what is your view on abortion?"

N. H............."I have the same view on abortion that seventy United States Senators have."

Martha M....."Which is....?"

N. H.............."Depends on what they have at the time."

B. B.............."Governor DeSantis....what is your opinion on taxes?"

R. D.............."I would fire Anthony Fauci....kick him until he falls....and then jump on his
                        face."

B.B..............."What does that have to do with taxes?"

R. D.............."Oh I thought you said....Texas."

B. B............. "What would Texas have to do with Dr. Fauci?"

R. D.............."And I will never shut down this country....even if three hundred million people
                        are dead....that still leaves thirty million to boycott Disney."

Martha M......"Former Vice President Pence....earlier you said that you would still
                        support Donald Trump as nominee even if he was found guilty
                        of crimes?"

M. P..............."And what is the question?"

Martha M......."No question....I just wanted to bring that up."

B. B................"Mr. Burgess...."

D. B................"That's Burgum!"

B. B................"Sorry....Mr. Bur...gum....just what is it that you do for a living?"

D.B................."I am a governor?"

B. B................"Of what state?"

D. B................"North Dakota."

B. B................"Thank you.....Mr. Christie....would you step out from in front of that podium
                         for a minute....so that everyone can see how overweight you are?"

R. D................"Hey....I'm over here you know....you haven't asked me a question yet."

B.B.................."We have asked you five questions so far Governor DeSantis."

R. D................."Sure....and I'm Mickey Mouse!"

C.C.................."He has the ears!"

Martha M........."I would like to give a 'raise your hand' question to all of you....remember....if
                            you do not answer quickly.....people will think that you are indecisive......
                            'How many of you would support the Republican Party nominee even if
                            it was the devil himself'?"

All the hands go up.....and then they all go down....and then some go back up again.....this goes on for two minutes....and they are still going up and down!

B. Beiar................"Well that's all the time we have for tonight....we all know who won!
    

Hot Buttons

 Hot Buttons.......October 2010:

Joey: Hey Gramps.

Gramps: Hi Joey. And for what reason do I have this pleasure?

Joey: I was wondering if you would do me a favor and help with a school project?

Gramps: Sure. What is it?

Joey: Well, it's for my Civics class. Mr. Horton's assignment is to ask three people their opinions
on who was America's best president and who was the worst. They have to be from three different age groups, for instance I can have one young, one middle age and one elderly.

Gramps: I'm in, Who are you getting for the young person and the elderly one?

Joey: Uh....Well I asked Uncle Tim....and I asked Jimmy Jones who graduated a few years ago..

Grampa: Hmmmm. So that makes me...the....uh....elderly?

Joey: Well, yeah...elderly or senior citizen I guess.

Granpa: Joey. I'm 59 and 3/4 years old. Did you know that Gordie Howe played
professional hockey until he was 51 years old?

Joey: Gordie who?

Gramps: Not "who"..."Howe."

Joey: How what?

Granpa: Never mind.

Joey: Wow, you knew a lot about sports when you were young!

Gramps: So, do you just want me to name the presidents?

Joey: Well, you're supposed to give your thoughts on why you chose them.

Gramps: That's a cinch...... what do you mean "when I... was... young?" Did you know that Tom
Watson, he's five months older than me by the way, led most of the way in last year's
U. S. Open?

Joey: Was that the "Senior" league?

Gramps: No that wasn't the Senior league! Well, hey anyway. If there's three things I got to
give...it's opinions, opinions and opinions.

Joey: Great. I've got a recorder here, so you can just talk and I'll write down your answers
later.

Gramps: Ok, here we go. By the way. Did you know that Grandma Moses didn't start painting
until she was in her 70s? That 7...zero...70s!

Joey: Was she my great-grandma?

Grampa: No. Never mind. You know, I was thinking, the name "Gramps" makes one sound old....
now you can't really call me Wilbur?

Joey: Did you have a nickname when you were....uh....real, real young?

Gramps: Well, yeah. They called me "bolthead" because I liked to fix cars so much.

Juey: Bolt......head?

Gramps: Not, bolt........head, bolthead, the girls loved it.

Joey: So you want me to call you Grampa bolthead?

Gramps: Lets just forget it, back to this assignment...take a seat and fasten
your seat belt for you hit on two hot buttons today.

Joey: Hey, you got a lot a "hot buttons", how bout if I call you "hot
buttons?"

Gramps: Hot buttons huh? Yeah that'll work.

Joey: Did my dad have a nickname when he was young?

Hot Buttons: Yes he did but I think that he should be the one who tells you...if he wants to.
Ok. here we go.....cough cough...ah...hem! I've actually thought about this before.My vote for our greatest president was the Gipper.

Joey: The What?

Hot Buttons: The Gipper. You mean you that you didn't know that Ronald Reagan's nick-
was the "Gipper." Well, let me tell you something else that you might not have known.
Reagan was a couple of weeks short of 70 years old, that's 7...zero...70 when he was
inaugurated our 40th president. Anyway, I look at three areas when trying to make a
choice like this. How did the economy do during the presidency, how about our foreign
policy and national defense....and was the American public changed in any way while
he was in office? On the economy, America prospered, primarily due to tax cuts for
the American people, after the malaise of the Carter Administration. Do you know what
"Malaise" means?

Joey: No!

Hot buttons: Neither do I but put it in anyway...it sounds good. Anyway, Reagan strengthened our
military, that and our growth was a death knell for the Soviet Union. As for the spirit
of Americans...his words, always beautiful and profound, inspired, they motivated,
they instilled a confidence in the people, they melted even his stronger detractors.
He was the quintessential example of leadership. Do you know what "quintessential"
means?

Joey: Yeah.

Hot Buttons: Good. Tell me later. So that's my choice for our greatest president. As for the worst.
Joey, this is sad in talking about for it's our current president. I knew from the
beginning that I disagreed with his policies but I wasn't prepared for what transpired,
and it continues almost every day. The bailouts, admittedly started by his predecessor,
and the stimulus packages that put us so deeply in debt that we will never overcome
this burden, the attack on "business" in general that appears to come from deep
inward hostility towards America's worldwide economic prowess, and the taxation
that will make "all" Americans totally dependent on what their government allows,
these things, and others, make him America's worst president on our economy. The
national defense and foreign policy are even worse, if possible. Our longstanding
advantage in military capabilities is being eroded. Aircraft and navies of governments
who are not friends of ours, are catching up and may surpass us. Our allies are on
"pins and needles" as they try to determine what we will do in an emergency. Lastly, the
American public has become two peoples in one nation, one still resembling America's
heritage and the other being an assortment of......groups.....seeking only benefits for their.....group. This president plays to our weaknesses instead of challenging us to think.  He's undoing much of what Martin Luther King accomplished. He lumps honest dissenters in with terrorists and lumps
terrorists in with honest Muslims. And we are only 18 months into his term! Well,
that's about it.

Joey: Thanks a lot Hot Buttons. I'll tell my dad how much you helped me. He's the one
that recommended you for the el...der..ly person.

Hot Buttons: Squiggy!

Joey: Squiggy?

Hot Buttons: Yeah...Squiggy. That was your dad's nick-name. Tell Squiggy that Hot Buttons says,
"you're welcome!?

The Blob From Pittsburgh

 

I don't have a comment link as a true blog would have....and addressed the issue a few times by trying to fill this void with....examples....of comments that I....might receive if I did offer that option....and answers that I might give if I received what I might receive...or something like that.

April 14, 2009

Special Dog...or can I just call you dog? I am daily transfixed by this blog because of the constant seepage of stupidity, trivial boredom and jokes that are as funny as George Bush in the Oval Office. So you fancy yourself an expert in foreign policy, economics, religion and motivational techniques? In actuality, Charles Manson was probably a better influence on his group. You could have been one of Il Duce's Red Shirts from what I have seen of your regurgitating all of Bush's lies. He couldn't get bin Laden so he went after the guy who tried to hurt his Poppy. He's just an American Sheik and will be wearing much bigger pin-stripes when the International Court gets hold of him. As for Economics, you probably can't even balance your own checkbook! Religion? Apparently you have condemned everyone that does not agree with you to hell. God is a loving God, my friend, and he knows my heart and I am fully confident that he will accept me into his kingdom, should he really exist. And as for the advice that you seem to relish in giving, I can make a good case for guns not being the number one thing that needs banned. Trust me, you are no psychologist. Had you lived a century earlier, Freud would have written of the idiot, the ego and the superego. Dale from Elmira.

Dale, please excuse me for delaying in this response. I was quite taken aback by some of your comments. As for bad jokes, you are probably alluding to my question, "How do you tell a female fish from a male fish? You throw it in the bottom of the boat and if it flops this way and that way trying to get out, it is probably a male. If it looks up at you and says...Excuse me, could you give me directions on how to get of this boat... it is probably a female." Unfortunately, I have to admit, this was not a joke. I had heard this and just assumed that it was true. I got to thinking later and realized....fish can't talk. I don't mean to be picky but Mussolini had his Black Shirts, Hitler had his Brown Shirts, Al Gore has his Green Shirts and I believe that it is Hillary that is planning on Red Shirts. I have no idea how you know that I can't balance my own checkbook. I assume that it was just a lucky guess. I'll have you know that I studied psychology under Dr. Robert Hartley for eight seasons...er....years. I hope all is well in Elmira.

And this from August 13, 2011

Dogface....you are a conceited blowhard, a pipsqueak fabricator of lies, a bourgeoisie barnacle on the (deleted) of the Koch brothers, a textbook example of a fool, a dimwitted-moronic-imbecilic monkey who happens to type. Your brain is half the size of the iPhone you write about. You are probably a pig at the dinner table. The monitor on your computer is probably pitted from the noxious fumes coming from your bloated head. The monitors of those who happen, by pure chance, to come across your drivel are probably covered with vomit. You can't spell, you can't write, you can't even think. You give the alphabet a bad name. Spellcheck can't even figure out your hoof-pecked random assortment of letters vaguely resembling English words. I have read every blog you have fouled cyberspace with and now have nightmares of a blob coming out of Pittsburgh that sucks the air out of all footballs. Sincerely, Harry

Dear Harry, I am not a pipsqueak!! As for the nightmares...that's weird...can't help you there.

And these from this past March,

Dear Sir, I wanted to point out some errors in your thinking and logic with precision and clarity. Barack Obama is on his way to becoming the greatest President in United States history. His grasp of foreign policy has the wisdom of Solomon. Who else is able to see the circumlocution of the George Kennan doctrine and eviscerate military buildups without pandering to those who never really had the courage to build seminal relationships void of jealousy and rage. Our economy has moved along a line of tepid improvement while strengthening its fundamental structure without endangering the primary "amino acids" if you will, of sound, strong improvement? President Obama has instilled hope in those who, up until now, have only been able to call on inner motivations to face the massive forces aligned against them, all with due diligence to what every American has called its heritage, that being, total awareness of every liability that lurks within the assets of this post-Utopian age. Science has profited from the reality inherent in the broad scope of multi-faceted organizations that are constantly in flux and progressing at an incredible rate! The much maligned educational system has not only survived but demonstrated ingenuity in spite of numerous attempts to confound every non-consequential perfidy this administration has identified and pursued with more than due diligence. Generally, finding answers to every problem is a Herculean task but no Sisyphean quest for  only by addressing every profligate Republican led maneuver can we actually turn these assaults into blessings for every American! It's been truly remarkable. Barack Obama has more than demonstrated brilliance, he has made the word synonymous with "Obama Administration." I'm sorry to bust your bubble but logic always always wins the day and clarity is the weapon of choice for every true and blue American! Julius Chernenko, Professor of Inner-Gender Studies and Holographic Historicity at the City College of Bangor, Maine P.S. Although on a slightly different topic you might want to read my paper titled The Sex Habits of the Pontchartrainian Turtle and its correlation to the "God Myth.".

Dear Professor Chernenko, I had trouble following the meaning of your comments for I only have a college education. I did though, happen across your paper while sitting in the doctor's office waiting for a butt enhancement procedure. It sounded like a Communist plot!

and this also...

Man u r nuts. What's all this comunism crap. I cant understan a word u say. u must have a innerear problem. get with it dude. Mark from L.A. the real spechal dog!

Dear...Mark...er...Spechal Dog...thanks for the input.